Thankless Job
by outerelf
Summary: Hey, c'mon, we know Red Alert has a rather thankless job, but what goes on in a normal day? Taking requests, and my second one is now staring Skywarp!
1. Chapter 1

Haha

Haha! This is just something I cooked up that shows a normal day in Red Alert's job. After all, he truly has one of the most thankless jobs…

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Red Alert sighed as he finished typing into the computer. Prowl's voice crackled over the intercom. "Red Alert, have you finished designing that computer virus?"

"Nearly, I'm having trouble with the recovery program. It's mediocre to hack in. Any half-way decent mech with an Vorn's experience should hack into it in about an Orn."

"I see. When do you think you'll get it done?"

"Well, depending on how many mechs decide that their going to be bored and destroy the security camera's, oh about ten or twelve orn's."

"I'll make sure that none disturb you."

"Good."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

The virus was finally complete and done. He had also managed to get it done in five orn's, enlisting Bluestreak's unwilling help. Then he had set Bumblebee on trying to hack it through. Bumblebee, got frustrated halfway through, and retreated with it to his room.

With a groan of relief, Red Alert sent it to Prowl. "Done."

"Good." Silence fell for a few seconds before Prowl said slowly, "One of our outpost's was attacked."

"Which one?"

"A-t48893."

"Ah, it had a weak security setup. I believe that half of the cameras didn't work, no one ever bothered watching the camera' s, and the code's haven't been changed in nearly five vorn's. I kept no information on their databanks, and it wasn't connected to any other."

"Good. But, what are the security codes?"

"The master code there is 7987. It'll get you into any room."

"Very well. Have you got the training videos done?"

"No, I sent Jazz to do that. He's more in touch with what bot's want to watch then I am."

Prowl was silent for a few minutes, and finally said, " About how busy are you?"

"I'll be there in two breems. Dust off your chest board and get ready to loose."

Prowl's link went dead. Red Alert laughed to himself as he paged the two bots who were _supposed_ to be on duty. He got back grumbling replies which he ignored. Silently he stalked out of the room, knowing that none would dare sneak up on them today. They had fought yesterday, and all Decepticon's knew that the Arc was still thirsting for energon.

Red Alert passed by the med bay, expecting to hear Ratchet unleashing his fury. There was only silence, but a large group of chattering Autobot's passed by, making Red Alert draw back to avoid being trampled. Then Prowl's office, a small, calm oasis in the middle of a desert.

About once a vorn they got together and played chess, or, as it usually boiled down to, just plain complained about their jobs. Both were dedicated, but their was a snapping point, and the fact that their official labels as, 'unfeeling psychopaths who wouldn't know relaxation if it rose up and bit them in the skid plates' made them both furious. They dedicated much more time and effort then most did. True, they may not fight, but they were the ones who made sure that the fights didn't go too wrong.

So, they had a simple commander-to-commander talk. They allowed no one else to enter, not even Prime. Prime, despite his good intentions had no idea how his two top commanders felt, simply because he was best beloved of all autobot's. It was Prowl and Red Alert who dished out the punishments.

Ratchet had only once heard a snippet, and that was because he was going to check up on Prowl's programming. Even he didn't understand. Ratchet was wildly popular among the autobot's for his skill, even if he did throw items. But the bot's knew it was because he cared, and was scared that one day he wouldn't be able to fix them.

But no one liked them. So, now, Red Alert was about to release all his pent up energy. But he had to stop in surprise. Prime, Ratchet, and Ironhide were all in the room. Prowl motioned him over, saying softly, "They want to know what goes on."

"Ah. Very well then."

Silently they began playing.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

By the time it was over, they were furiously battling each other with words, comparing punishments, times, old battles, mech' s and a variety of other things. Prime, Ratchet and Ironhide had long since retreated to outside of the room.

Red Alert knocked off Prowl's queen, as he snapped, "Oh, and I suppose you assigning Sunstreak to the brig detail for a few orn's was supposed to be torturing them?"

"Yes, it was. And it worked too, didn't it?"

"Not half as fast as assigning Blur. The guy talked so much and so fast, the Decepticon's just simply wanted out."

Both glared at each other across the table, until Red Alert at last sighed. Prowl moved his Rook, and smirked, "Checkmate. You played worse then usual. Usually we get in a near tie."

"Yesterday was horrible. Tomorrow is going to be even worse. A party, for Prime's creation day. Oh, what a great thing this is going to be. I'm going to end up on monitor duty so that way others can party." Red Alert explained, knowing full well what Prowl meant.

"You can join the party. I plan on doing so."

"Because Jazz promised you--"

"--Stop right there! Not another word." Red Alert nodded, and Prowl continued, "Yes, you're right, Jazz did, but I also do know how to relax a little. And if you don't come Inferno might come to drag you out."

"Mph. I'm not leaving. My paranoid glitch wouldn't calm down the entire time. I'll lock the doors and keep him out for the party. After a few breems he'll get tired and go back to the party."

Prowl raised an optic ridge, but kept silent. Red Alert stood up and sighed. "And I suppose I should do a last minute sweep to make sure that all the high-energon is ok. I just found a news article that a company has been processing faulty energon, and is recalling it back. That mean's I'll also have to go into the twin's stash too…"

Prowl's optic's reflected sympathy for a few moments before he said, "Good luck."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

"Never, ever again." Red Alert moaned the word's aloud as he limped along the passage, his leg bent slightly out of shape.

Tucked under his arm were three packages of the faulty energon. Not that he told the Twin's of course. He had simply quoted book 10, page 500, paragraph 2, and sub-line 8. 'No high energon of any kind is allowed onboard a battle spaceship, unless properly dispensed by the cafeteria workers.'

The twin's protested until he threatened to lock them up in the brig. But he still had to trip, and now he was going have to go to Ratchet to get the leg fixed. Red Alert decided to wait until after Ratchet was finished with the twins.

Red Alert tossed the energon into a tube that would take it to the waste disposal, and limped the rest of the way to the control room. There, Jazz waited with training video's on hand. " Here you go!"

Then Jazz was off and away, leaving Red Alert very much alone. With a soft groan of relief he eased himself into the chair…only to haul himself right back out again. Someone had tampered with camera 2-5443. Its image was fuzzy, and Red Alert had no doubt that it was the twin's revenge.

"Wheeljack, the camera outside of the rec room is broken. Could you please-"

BOOM! Red Alert stopped talking and sighed. He'd go fix it himself.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

It wasn't until the start of the party that Red Alert was allowed to rest. During that time he had picked up ten more cubes of faulty energon, enough to poison the entire arc; fixed ten cameras; and managed to threaten fifteen mech's with various punishments unless they obeyed.

Red Alert collapsed into his chair and watched as the party got started. He had remembered to lock the door, but something sad tugged at his spark. He would sometimes like to relax, to enjoy, but when it came down to it, he had no time. A pounding began on the door. Red Alert ignored it, but it persisted for nearly five breems.

Finally, a frustrated voice called through, "Red, unless you open the door now, I'll break it down and drag you out by the tail pipe."

Red Alert's optics didn't even flicker. He had heard that threat many times, but as of yet, Inferno had yet to do it, and Inferno couldn't break down the door anyways. He surveyed the cameras, and stopped the camera outside of the room. Inferno stood there, alone, with a few cubes of energon. He did not have the look of dragging the unwilling Red Alert to a party; instead he seemed more like he was bringing a small party with him.

Inwardly he wrestled with himself, and decided to take a chance. The door hissed open, and Inferno bounded through, energon cubes in hand. "I knew I wouldn't be able to drag you out, so I'm bringing the party to you!"

Red Alert took the cube, slightly stunned. "But, don't you want to party with the rest?"

"Ah, Red, I knew you'd be alone, and didn't want to join the party, so I thought why not."

Red Alert shook his head, and silently they sat. Then Red Alert gestured to the montior's. "The party is getting into full swing now. They even have Prime drunk."

Inferno perked up and said, "Now that I have to see. C'mon Red!"

Red Alert allowed himself to be dragged to the party. He would return after seeing Prime drunk. After all, it didn't happen often.

SsSsSsSsSsSsSsS

So, how did ya like it? I re-edited it, so it should be better. Right?


	2. Chapter 2

I noticed that several like this, so I decided to add on another chapter

I noticed that several like this, so I decided to add on another chapter. But now I have a request to all those reading, please give me an idea of what sort of day I should do. Happy reading!

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Red Alert knew, the second he onlined, the day was going to be silent. Last night everyone, Prime included, got drunk. Inferno was currently snoozing away, using an empty energon cube as a pillow, feet propped up on Sunstreakers' back. Red Alert suddenly smiled, feeling very, very evil. He knew exactly where the twin's secret stashes of prank items were, and Jazz's supposedly 'secure' tricks had always been obvious to Red.

Sunstreaker rolled in his sleep, suddenly feeling uneasy.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Red Alert punched in the code to the security room, and set up all camera's to record. Then, he pressed a single, red button.

Glaring blasts echoed throughout the arc, making all bot's start from their drunken stupor. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker both ran into each other as they reached for weapons that suddenly weren't there. Prime saw the creation matrix dangling before his eyes, Megatron holding it. With a roar he charged, crashing into poor Ironhide, who had just barely woken up.

The Dinobot's all roared a challenge to the empty ship, and bots scrambled out into the corridors, not even able to keep a strait line.

The alarms shut off as suddenly as they began. Confused, the bot's looked at each other, and shrugged, slowly returning to their own rooms. They were stopped, as the sprinklers began, driving them back into the rec room, which they had converted into the party room.

To their surprise, it had changed. No loner were the walls their ordinary color, but a bright neon pink. A bucket was let loose as fake robo mice began skittering through the crowd. Water fell, combined with sleeping fluid, sent all the bots into a deep recharge.

Red Alert laughed at the general, widespread panic.

0o0oo0o0o0o0o0o0

Inferno glared at Red Alert, feeling left out. "Red, you've been grinning all day! What's gotten into you?"

Red Alert simply said, "Revenge."


	3. Irritation

Ok, this is my first request

Ok, this is my first request. For those of you who are a little confused by what I meant by day, let me clarify it for you: Think of Red alert in any type of day, a normal or extraordinary one, and give Red Alert feelings like depression, or angst, or even humor (that'll be hard one though) the n give it to me, and I'll see what I can do.

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Red Alert got into the control room, feeling happy for once. Their was no sign of attack, so he should have the entire day to himself… "Red Alert, please go to the rec room and stop the brawling." Prowl's irate voice brought him out of his happy place faster then anything else could.

"Why? What happened?"

"I'm currently stuck in a meeting. You should be more then able to take care of it."

The link went dead, and Red Alert surveyed the room, and the two other bots who were just about to leave, sagged back into their chairs, defeated. Red Alert turned on his heel and left the room.

0o0o0o0o0o0

The fight had not been pretty. Ratchet's med bay was now full, and that did not make the CMO happy. Red Alert was currently having several of the bigger bots being thrown into the brig, nearby the Decepticon prisoners.

The Decepticon's laughed and jeered, but were swiftly shut up when Ironhide pulled out his cannon. "Now remember. I got weapons. You don't." The brig was remarkably quiet for once.

0o0o0o0o0

Red Alert paced through the hall to fix yet another broken camera. The twins had somehow escaped the brig, and were now wrecking havoc with a vengeance. Red alert muttered to himself as in a few quick movements the camera was back online and working properly. He then began moving on to the next one.

0o0o0o

To say that Red Alert was irritated, would be like saying ocean is big. It was true, but an understatement. Red Alert hadn't rested for nearly two orn's as he tried to keep up with the Arc's crew and all that happened.

Jazz somehow managed to paint Grappler Purple, resulting in several large explosions; Wheeljack still refused to experiment in the specially designed room, causing several camera's to be destroyed instantly; Bumblebee had decided to start singing in the showers, making all bots wince at his terrible singing voice; Prime was sprayed accidentally-not with a hard-to-wash-off green that made the symbol of the creation matrix; and Ironhide had been painted a bright neon pink.

It had been left up to Red Alert to sort out the resulting mess, simply because Prowl was busy sorting out another mess, or cleaning up after the last one. Red alert grumbled as he made his way back to the control booth and paused, looking at one of the screens carefully. Decepticon's. A slight smile twitched his faceplate as he pressed the attack button. Instantly all bots scrambled into attack position.

Red Alert caressed his rocket launcher, his smile growing larger. All of the Autobot's looked at him when he took his place in their ranks, but quickly dismissed it. Then, the Decepticon's poured on, and the fight was on.

A primal howling noise made many sparks shiver, and made many turn. Red Alert stood on top of a fallen pile of Decepticons, laughing manically. "Come to me! I'll send you all to the pit! AHAHAHAHHAHA!"

The crackling laugh sounded as if evil had been personified and channeled through Red Alert. The twin's, who had been nearby just a nanoclick before, backed up fast, even though plenty of Decepticon's were still in front of them. If they wanted to get the Decepticon's, they would have to go through Red Alert, and neither were quite ready to take that risk.

Inferno stood, gaping at Red Alert, who charged the mass of Decepticons, still laughing in that odd laugh. Even Starscream thought it was a good time to retreat, for the Decepticon's quickly pulled back.

Now, only bodies lay scattered on the floor, and Red alert turned, the scary smile still on his face plate. "Now, Twins, Jazz, I've been meaning to talk to you." The almost sing-song quality of the voice made the mentioned three sparks shiver in terror. Red Alert was rarely happy, and he was _smiling_ at them.

"You three have been causing some rather large disturbances on the Arc lately." Red Alert continued, his smile growing more and more feral. "I trust that it will not be happening soon, correct?"

"Yessir!"

"Very good."

The brave autobot army, ones whom had often stared death in the eye, scrambled back to make room for the smaller bot. Even Prowl seemed scared of him, from the way that he drew close to Jazz as Red Alert skipped by, grinning. Inferno watched him go, and shook his head. "I suppose I'd better find out what exactly happened."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Silence, blessed silence had reigned on the Arc for nearly five Orns. Red Alert knew it wouldn't last, but he was still grateful for it. "Ratchet was right," he mused out loud to himself. "Expressing your anger in a constructive way really does help drain the anger out."

The door hissed open, and Red alert swirled the chair to face whomever was coming in. "Red, a lot of the crew has been wondering something."

Red Alert cocked an eyeridge, and Inferno continued, a little uncomfortably, "They want to know what exactly happened back their."

Red Alert simply shook his head, and went back to surveying the monitors. What was done, was done, and he had no intention of explaining his actions.

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Sooooo, how did ya all like it? It probably didn't turn out the way that you were expecting, and I know I certainly didn't expect this, my fingers just sort of walked away with the keyboard…


	4. Prankster

Ok, second request, with Skywarp

Ok, second request, with Skywarp. Just as a warning now, I have never seen any episode with Skywarp before, (I don't have cable and I live overseas where all that's on TV are in a different language, so all my fanfics are based off of what little I know) This is completely my own Skywarp, and probably won't resemble him at all, so be nice.

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Every mech on board was recharging peacefully. From those in the control room, right on down to the one Decepticon in the brig—Skywarp on-lined one optic slowly, glancing around. No one was guarding the brig, and the camera was pointed away at that moment. He grinned. And disappeared.

0o0o0o0o

Red Alert woke up, knowing without a doubt that something was wrong. He rolled out of the recharge bed, and tilted a head, listening. There was no sound, but the glitch refused to calm down…

Quietly he drifted out of the room, feeling fully recharged. He'd go and shoo out the bots in the control room—BAM! Red Alert fell heavily as he was pushed down the stairs. A giggle filled the room, and Red Alert attempted to look. Why weren't his optics working?

"Who did that?"

A soft rush of air was his only answer. Red Alert groaned as he slowly sat up, his sensor network working overtime in order to compensate for the optics. _Running self diagnostic test… Optics damaged. _Carefully he began walking, using his knowledge and sensor net to avoid bumping into anything. He'd go to the control room first.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Red Alert knew, from the second he walked in, both bots were recharging. With a furious growl he stalked towards them. "Stupid, stupid, stupid. I knew I shouldn't have left them on their own. Nobody ever pays attention."

He stopped to listen to their breathing. One was a smooth, with a tiny rattle on the end. The other breathed deep, and even. "Sunstreaker. Sideswipe. Get up NOW!" The last word was roared into their auditory receptors, loud enough to make both jump.

"Wha—Oh crud, Red!"

"What are the two of you thinking?" Red Alert roared, suddenly very worried. What if Decepticon's had gotten aboard the ship while he was recharging? His glitch kicked into over drive, and he almost missed the slight movement.

He turned fast, arm streaking out to hit the mech behind him. A startled cry, and then Primes voice said, "Red Alert, what are you doing?" The voice was strangled and in pain.

"I'm sorry sir." Red Alert said stiffly. "I simply heard footsteps, and reacted automatically."

Prime shook his head. "Can anyone sneak up on you?"

Red Alert was saved an answer when he heard a crash further down the hall. Jazz's enraged voice drifted down to where they stood. "A 'con is loose! Who was supposed to be on guard duty?"

Red Alert groaned, and asked the sky, "I have never, ever been bad enough to warrant this. So why me?"

A breath of air, and Red Alert knew someone was beside him. He lashed out, softer this time. "Ouch!" This time, a voice Red Alert didn't recognize cried out.

"Who are you—"

The mech whom he had been speaking to just a moment before vanished. "Of course. A teleporter."

Prime sighed and said softly, "I'll round up a capture crew."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Red Alert cocked an auditory receptor, listening carefully to the different strides, breathing and movements of the gathered mechs. He hadn't yet had a chance to tell about his off-lined optics, and was beginning to wonder if he ever would. "Ironhide, Jazz, Bumblebee, Inferno, and…" For a moment more he listened, and realized who the fifth mech was. "Prowl. What we are dealing with is a teleporter, so we need to be careful. It can sneak up on us at any time. That is why we're going to be posting up these machines Wheeljack has recently created to stop the 'con from appearing in places we've already searched. If he tries, it won't work."

"Why isn't the entire Arc helping out?" Ironhide grumbled, slightly miffed over having his resting disturbed.

"Because we need to keep it as quiet as possible." Red Alert hissed back, and pointed at Prime. "Ask him if you got any more problems."

"It's Ok Red." Inferno said easily. "We'll find him quickly enough."

"I hope so."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Red Alert frowned at the door. It was one of the few doors that swung open and close. He moved it a tiny bit again, and again, he felt something was off with the door. Ironhide hissed impatiently, "What's the matter?"

"The door isn't swinging properly."

"Oh. That?"

Red Alert barely kept himself from jumping as he felt Ironhide roughly brush by, pushing the door wide open. CRASH! Red Alert winced, and laughter started up from Bumblebee, Jazz, and Inferno behind him. "Ironhide, your PURPLE!"

Red Alert had the brief image of Ironhide in Decepticon colors, and shook his head. He was glad that from what he could tell that the cameras were still working, because he would defiantly want to see want to see this later.

Ironhide spluttered something untypable, and growled to himself. Red Alert could hear the cannons humming furiously, and wondered in the very back of his CPU how stupid this Decepticon was being. You didn't ever make Ironhide mad. He had a way of blowing you into just big enough pieces that Ratchet could stick you back together.

Red Alert said softly, "Well, thank you for checking the door Ironhide. Let's keep on moving."

Laughter was quickly muffled, though Red Alert did hear the odd sporadic burst every now and then from Bumblebee.

0o0o0o0o0oo0

Red Alert placed a hand on the door, frowning. Carefully he ran his hand up and down the door, confirming his suspicions. "The door is slightly bent outwards."

Jazz asked bluntly, "So? What does that have anything to do with the 'con?"

"If the Decepticon has been through here, we might find clues as to where he might be. Stand back, I'm opening the door."

Red Alert typed in the code, and felt the air rush out. He jumped to one side, just barely making it. He could hear hundreds of items falling, pounding into the ground. Metallic rings echoed loudly, but the soft crumpling sound of something soft squashing and the distinct sound of energon all intermingled, making a rising cacophony of sounds. And, from Jazz's shout, he was caught somewhere in the middle of it.

Slowly he bent over, as Bumblebee, Ironhide, and Inferno all laughed. "Haha! Look at all that stuff."

"What is it all?" Red Alert asked, frustrated with his inability to see.

Prowl said softly, "It looks to be about eighteen vorns worth of old recreational items. I can see several holo-vids, a couple of old posters, even some carvings."

Red Alert asked, "Is the camera working still?"

He knew that Prowl shot him an odd look, but Prowl nodded. He could tell from the sound of gears moving. "Very well, let's keep on going. We still have a 'con to catch."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Air rushed out continually, nearly masking the sounds that would be further in the hall. "Something is wrong. Their's a slight hissing noise on the other side of the door—"

Inferno laughed as he opened the door. "It's probably just the air-conditioning—"

His laughter was caught off mid sentence as a faintly booming sound echoed in Red Alert's ears. There was a soft splashing sound, and judging from Ironhides, Bumblebees and Jazz's laughter, it was yet another prank. He listened hard, and heard the sound of dripping. "Inferno! You're covered in your own foam!" Bumblebee choked out, barely able to speak from laughing.

Red Alert thought about the red fire-retardant foam that Inferno had recently been using to put out fires. And smothered his own chuckle. "Very well then. I suppose we must continue on. Thank you Inferno for taking one for the team."

Inferno muttered in Red Alert's auditory receptor, "You're going to be cleaning me off."

"I'll wait for you in the washroom then."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

Red Alert could feel that he was getting close. They had slowly driven the 'con back towards the brig, so if the 'con was going to attack, he would attack soon. Bumblebee volunteered, "I'll go and scout out the next room."

"Very well. Be careful."

Bumblebee slipped around him, and keyed in the password. For a few moments the door stayed close, and then almost reluctantly opened. SPLOOSH! Red Alert scrambled backwards, up against a wall. Bumblebee's wail of surprise and – anger? – was muffled by the gurgling drain of water. "THAT- THAT STUPID MECH JUST FILLED THE ENTIRE ROOM WITH WATER!"

Red Alert groaned. "Which room is this one again?"

"Thankfully the testing room, so it should be unaffected by the water." Prowl murmured softly. "I hope this is the last of the pranks."

"I hope so also." Red Alert growled, placing a hand on his rocket blaster. "I'm getting more and more frust—"

A rush of air was the only warning. Red Alert turned fast, shooting directly at where he had felt the air go by. A screech of pain was music to his auditory receptors. "I believe we just got him." Red Alert sighed in relief. It was finally over.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"We got him sir." Red Alert said tiredly, leaning against the doorframe for support.

Ratchet's voice drifted back, "Good. Now bring him to me and I'll see what I can do with his teleporter."

"First could you fix my optics?"

Dead silence fell. Finally Ratchet asked, "What?"

"I have lead the entire mission blind." Red Alert snarled back, making no attempt to be calm. "I would like my sight back NOW!"

The Decepticon asked in a disbelieving voice, "I was captured by a blind mech?"

"My name is Red Alert. And shut up before I blast some more holes in you. Ratchet, please!"

Red Alert heard the creak of a chair, and steeled himself as Ratchet's hands passed over his face. "Hmm. It's easy enough to fix. Just a single pulled wire. If you waited another two breems, it would have healed itself."

Red Alert sighed in relief as the room slowly appeared before him. Then he turned. A purple Ironhide, dented Jazz, foamy Inferno, and still dripping wet Bumblebee glared back. He shook his head, and said, "Alright, everyone out. No need to stick around."

Ignoring every mech in the room he sat down in his chair, and silently began accessing the cameras.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

For the next few months, several odd things popped up. The soap was replaced by paint; hundreds of balls were found stuffed in Primes room, forcing him to move out for a few orns while mechs labored to clear away the balls; half of the holo-vids only played the same commercial of Megatron singing some awful pop-rock song; and the only music that played in the rec room was of an old, off tune mech singing blues.

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Ok, like I said, probably not what you were expecting, and probably not the Skywarp you know, but what can I say? I've only seen about two episodes. Anyways, If you don't like Red Alert having to be blind, then I can change it if you want. I just wanted to see if I could properly describe it. Ehehehe… Anyways, have fun reading it. I took my best stab at humor.

I just realized how long this is. Did I really type all that?


End file.
